r e s p e c t

please if you are going to comment my blog space please be respectful and don't just randomly write anything out of ignorance and confusion. please please be respectful to my space.

"off the deep end :)"

Just the other day someone told me that my blog wasn't deep enough, not as deep as their own blogspot. Well I am sure they are justified in some sense and believe in what they are saying. Although I would never think to tell someone that when they are merely writing about their own life experiences. I do this because it helps me, helps me to keep sane, feel normal in a weird sense of the word, and have a voice albeit a very little voice but still a voice of my own. In the military it is very rare to feel like you have much of anything that is your own, you feel like you belong to the military and every sense of who and what you were before you joined belongs to it as well. I wasn't intending to write this blog to seem "deep" or extra special I just needed an outlet for something that is under my skin and itches too much if I don't let it out every now and again. So I really do have something to learn from his comment.....a mirror is what I hold up everytime I see someone new, but I face it in their direction so they can see themselves more clearly when they speak to me (I don't mean that as an insult but some might take it that way) because all people will ever do is show you who they are.

Military life?

It seems so weird sometimes to think that I; a vegan, gardening addict, book reading, knitting, animal loving, kindergarten teacher wanna be is in the military now. Don't forget this was out of a dire need to survive and somehow escape the thought of not having a roof over my head. I just disagree with so many things in the military struggle, however I understand the reason that the military exists. So where do you draw the line?? Or is this one of those gray areas that I am given grace for in my life, I just understand why so many people act the way they do or choose the lives they choose. Maybe it was where they were born, their culture, or their parents? Who raised them, who was there to mentor them. Is war ever really an answer? No, but if America did not have a military would it exist? No. I don't believe we would continue to exist as a country without a military and there have been many lives given to that cause, lives that I take very seriously and am not in any way disgracing by writing this I am just intending to ask which is the higher path to take? Join war or turn your back and let others fight (for whatever reason they are fighting). Where do we all go, which paths do we choose, which are we supposed to choose? Over the centuries people have fought for one word foremost among all others "Freedom", the right to choose, the will to live according to one's own thoughts; conscience. The craziest part to me is that we all continue to just spin around in space and pretend that there is anything really all that new about War. I guess the most I can say is that I intend to live a very conscience minded living while I walk this earth and that does not include mindlessly killing anything on the side of the 'enemy'.

Just a thought. . . .

Wow it seems so weird seeing my own writing here on the internet, I suppose that I should have as much fun with this as possible and also without seeming slightly rude be as honest as possible. I think maybe I am a little bit too shy to say some of the things I think in reality, in person which is for the best really. I wouldn't say any of these things in word in a rude way, nor will I write them as such it is just that people tend to take offense so easily but criticize so well. Oh well. Here goes. . . . .

Whatever will be will be

I am an average american (female) who was up until recently used to working two jobs. I lost my full time job and came very close to battling homelessness on a daily basis. Instead of the awful fate I saw crashing down on me at what seemed like the weight of a thousand elephants sped up to the tune of a cheetah running in fastforward mode on a t.v. set, I decided to join the army. I have come close to air traffic control, packing parachutes, and jumping out of an airplane on a regular basis. Short of it all I really wanted to be a kindergarted teacher (one of the perks is college which I will take advantage of soon), however now I am scheduled to become a generator repairer. Nervous? Not really the work of an angel but I'll get there some day, no I'm not nervous just extremely shy and sick of feeling like I'm stuck in a pincher. I never really respected people in the military before basic training I just thought I did, and now I just know that I will never understand their sacrifice without really having to deal with the loss myself. I don't believe in war, I just know that they believe what they are fighting for and they really do suffer losses on a daily basis. I agree with what Albert Einstein said "Peace cannot be kept by force, only by understanding", however we all know that not every being on this earth is prone to 'understand' the worth of human life. I am not religious by any means I just believe that we should all learn to coexist. To be honest on most subjects I take a neutral point of view, understanding both sides of the story.